Feminiazi

In which Elaine & Amil use a cheap pun to advance their flimsy feminist agenda. Welcome to the future, where no idea goes untumblred.

email: feminiazi@gmail.com

Oh fucking hell, just when you think it can't get worse ... it does.

  • Elaine: Oh jesus Amil. I just read her "cover story", on her blog. I couldn't help myself. What the fuck??????!!?????? So now we're just to passive-aggressively turn our bitches about our last relationship in a fucking 2000 word column?????!!!!
  • I am beyond angry.
  • Help
  • Amil: Oh Elaine I was gonna blog on feminiazi about how after all that fuss, and 4 EDITS!!!!! that is the best she could turn out. It was like a compilation of the worst aspects of chick lit, retarded women's magazine speak and high school rolled in to one.
  • There are no words for how much injustice there is in her being a published "writer" ARGH how can she even call herself that? I've had more articulate thoughts on ativan binges.
  • Elaine: Fuck, you just reminded me that I should go on an ativan binge.
  • Blog away lady. What kills me is all the pseudonyms. I mean honestly - they are not divulging the identity of fucking Deep Throat.
  • And then after four edits, this made the cut:
  • "Anyway, we met in one city, then emailed and called for three weeks until we met for a long weekend in another. Great weekend."
  • Another what? I mean, I know what she is referring to, but I had to read that sentence four times before I understood it.
  • What a fucking twit. No wonder everyone I know is jumping ship on journalism.
  • Amil: Yeah agreed.

Funny you should ask

I was thinking about this movie yesterday. Mostly because I think Eva Longoria has played a fantastical trick on Hollywood - convincing people she is talented - but also because what a queer concept for a film!

Why does this dead woman care about who her ex-boyfriend dates? Is the idea that women are so petty and so jealous of other women that they can’t even let go of their worldly concerns in the after-life??? I assume, since this is a mainstream film directed at middle-America, that she is in heaven (right!) and then comes down because she can’t bear to see the people she left behind happy.

Great. Very sympathetic character. Super premise for a movie!

But, in the end the tragedy of this film is not the premise, nor Eva Longoria. It’s the fact that Paul Rudd has debased himself yet again for a paycheck. Stop it, Rudd, you’re too good for this.

What you met the man of your dreams, but his dead girlfriend’s ghost refused to let go?

-Tagline from “Over Her Dead Body” a new movie starring Eva Longoria. (via elainecorden)

Seriously Amil, what if that happened? 

Well put

I totally forgot that asking you that question was two-for-one, as I got both the have-cable and look-a-like-a-terrorist perspectives.

We should totally pitch a column somewhere: Ask a Muslim/ Ask a WASP  in which we give advice based on pre-defined ethnic/religious stereotypes.

In fact, readers, we are now taking your questions at  feminiazi@gmail.com!

All your bad cable news shows are belong to us.

This question reminds me of the time Liz Lemon called the terror cops on her neighbour because she thought he was a terrorist. He was actually just auditioning for the Amazing Race.

You see, the lesson is, if you see something (or in your case, if you don’t see something, like Nancy Grace’s huge head) don’t say anything.

Chances are it’s snow. Or giant rats eating through the cables.

But, yes, perhaps you have given in to the culture of fear?

Or maybe …. I’m one of THEM!

(Aside to Homeland Security: JUST KIDDING)

- Amil

Ahhh yes. Kitteh makes everything better.

Here’s a question for you, Amil. Although it has nothing to do with the mission statement (hah!) of this blogue, I am nonetheless curious, especially as you now have cable.

When you are watching CNN or some such American network, and the station blacks out- goes blank or has snow or whatever -  do you wonder, if just for a moment, if the headquarters for said station have fallen victim to a terrorist/ nuclear attack? Or have I just totally bought into the culture of fear? 

Yours sincerely,


Ducttaped in East Van

Ha. He is stoned kitteh.

Ha. He is stoned kitteh.

Thank You, Elaine.

Okay, I feel better now. You have aptly summed up my disgust.

I too, am committing to never again reading The Blog that shall not be named. And will post an LOL cat shortly to start anew.

To a refreshed pallette!

- Amil

All worked up about Julia Allison.

As usual, Ms. Allison’s post below makes me feel a mixture of pity, shame and loathing. And then I had a thought:

Maybe Julia Allison is just America’s Rebecca Eckler?
I remember having the same response to Eckler when she had her National Post column - reading her write 1,000 moronic wds about, say, pedicures or jealous friends, and then feeling enraged knowing she made $80,000 a year (reportedly). Now, besides the odd gig in Maclean’s, Eckler is has-been who can’t get work. Eventually, whatever editors were dazzled by her realized it was an embarrassment to them to publish her.

Good news is, the industry Allison is in doesn’t want to hear what she’s saying after she turns 30, which is in 3 years, I think. Dating advice or celebrity gossip can only legitimately come from young people who don’t have enough experience and maturity to know that both conceits are totally fucking retarded.

Unless she develops her journalistic skills beyond narcissism and braindead muck-raking, she’s done for. I’m not saying I condone that her industry has no time for over-30 women, but I’ll be damned if it ain’t true. No one wants to hear about Jessica’s Simpson’s lipgloss from someone who’s old enough to know there are more important things in life. It draws painful attention to the pathos of the whole affair.

So yeah: 3 years, a short-lived blog about planning her wedding, and then via con dios, Allison. She doesn’t appear to have any plans beyond catching a man and blogging about herself, so I don’t see how she’ll continue to get work. I know that’s fucked up, but I didn’t make the rules, Jules: fact is, if you want to be taken seriously, you have to offer insight and wisdom to others, which most clearly, you do not.

Sigh. Sometimes I read her blog and I am really tempted to email her. The transparent attempts to manipulate men are so painful - the casual mentions of ex-boyfriends that she seems to think *don’t* stick out as out-of-context attempts to make her seem desirable, the mentions of vapid “interests” when it becomes clear to her that she’s shown too much of her hand, man-trapping- wise. The passive-aggressive behavior is made all the more astounding by the fact that she refuses to cop to it. She genuinely believes that she’s pulling the wool over people’s eyes. On the deluded index, she’s up there with those obese women on Jerry Springer dressed in spandex mini’s, screaming “Y’all just jealous” at their loved ones who’d like them to cover up.

As I’ve said to you before, she’s creeps me out because you just know she’s “pictured her wedding dress since she was 5” and all that other ridiculous crap that women do to set their whole happiness to finding a man.

I may sound bitter, but Jesus, when this woman walks around claiming to be a feminist and a writer, and then betrays the basic principles of both, then I get fucking mad. Allison’s cloaking of her scheming narcissism in the guise of women’s liberation makes it that much harder for the rest of us to be respected as writers or even as a woman in general. Equality of gender may mean that both sexes can be self-absorbed assholes if they want to, but what I object to is that she’s given the opportunity to promote her lifestyle of me-firstism as some sort of empowerment to the female gender at large.

Manipulators like Julia Allison, who are given platform to spread their toxic, regressive views, are the reason that reasonable women have to spend so long convincing dudes we might like to hang out with that our sole ambition isn’t trying to trap them with our vaginas.

E.C.

Okay now I’m mad too. I should really stop reading her blog. All the above notwithstanding, she’s clearly a lonely person looking for love. I will spend the rest of the afternoon searching my soul for an ounce of compassion for her.

A question for all the writers out there

juliaallison:

have you ever written something, then edited it, then had someone else edit it, then edited it again, then had someone else edit it, then edited it yourself again, then re-read it and thought “THIS IS A PIECE OF MOTHERFUCKING CRAP” and wondered how the hell that could possibly be, with all that editing??? and THEN felt really, really, really badly about your writing abilities as a result?

Blogging is so. So. SO. SO. easy compared to writing a cohesive narrative of 2000 words or more. Blogging is jotting down your thoughts. Anyone can jot down thoughts in a coherent and more or less amusing fashion. But try making an actual long-form argument - that MAKES SENSE - without resorting to cliche or banality or circular rhetoric or just filler … while still maintaining your voice?

ugh, it’s not easy.

PS. Excluding my Time Out editors (and my mother), the best editor I’ve ever had, a man who I swear is a genius, is Jesse Oxfeld. What this man can do with copy is mind-blowing.

Okay, I was going to refrain from discussing / reblogging Julia Allison on this, or any other blog BUT this post is just too much. What kind of question is this? Of course it’s much harder to write articulately and intelligently for 2000 words and maintain your voice and argument. That’s how you tell a good writer from a bad. Should this not be a wake-up call to Ms.Allison that she is far better suited to snivelling, drivelling blog entries, than actual journalism? It is infuriating to see someone so ridiculously inept at what she does and yet being published, complain about how difficult it is to write a single article on dating. Thank the lord no one is asking her to write anything researched and meaningful lest her precious lobe implode. Did I already say ARGH!? Because, ARGH! So many things to say, but brain cannot form sentences, too annoyed…………

ELAINE! Help. Make this go away.